The Inebriated Mistake
by Usagi of Feudal Moon Era
Summary: What do you get when you mix Sango, Miroku, and LOTS of alcohol? Virtual sweets to all who review.
1. Chapter 1

_I can't actually remember how I came up with this idea but here it is nonetheless. HUGE thanks to my friends Jenny and Spirel for all of their great ideas. Another big thanks to Jenny for all the editing as I am a bit iffy on some stuff. I love you both but something I might love even more is people who review. YAY! Well, enough of that. On with the story._

_I also don't own Inuyasha or any of the characters…yet._

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The Inebriated Mistake

The growing chirp of birds aroused Sango from a deep sleep. She stretched her arms above her head, which was throbbing, but saw another pair of arms wrapped around her waist. The arm beneath her was wrapped with light blue prayer beads and in reply to the sight, she screamed loud enough to rouse the entire village.

"Sango, stop screaming," Miroku complained. "My head is already killing me as it is." He seemed to be completely oblivious to the fact that they had slept in the same room.

Sango quickly forgot the pain in her own head and screamed, "Miroku, what are you doing in my room?"

Miroku peered around curiously but realized something. "Isn't this my room?"

Sango looked around the room nervously and realized that Miroku was actually right. "You lured me here somehow, didn't you monk?"

Miroku didn't give a chance to answer. As he was rubbing his head and repeating to Sango to keep it down, Inuyasha entered the room.

"Sango what's wro-" Inuyasha began to demand, his hand on his sword followed closely by Kagome, but when he saw Miroku on the floor, he trailed off and released his hand from the handle of the tetsusaiga.

"Sango, what's with the screaming?" Kagome casually asked her like nothing was wrong.

"Miroku tricked me into bed," Sango said, outraged that Kagome could not see the problem right away.

"How could he have tricked you when you did it willingly?" Inuyasha asked.

"What are you talking about?" she snapped.

Inuyasha looked a little taken aback; Sango never usually took harsh tones with him.

"Oh come on Sango," Kagome started. "Inuyasha and I saw both of you going into Miroku's room last night after your wedding. I always knew this would happen and I think it's taken way too long."

Sango just stared blankly at her two comrades for a minute. "WHAT!" Sango screamed again. "I'M MARRIED TO THAT LECHER?" Sango paused for a moment because a very awkward thought popped into her head. "Oh no," Sango turned to Miroku. "We didn't. Did we? Miroku, tell me we didn't."

Miroku's face lit up because a light bulb went off in his head (and he promptly forgot about his headache). "I don't know. But just to be sure…Kagome, Inuyasha, you two should go," Miroku demanded before he got an idea. "On second thought, I don't mind if Kagome stays."

Kagome horrifically screamed and transformed Inuyasha into a human shield.

"You keep your hands off Kagome," Inuyasha yelled at Miroku, shaking his fists as a threatening gesture.

Miroku felt an all too familiar slap on his cheek and rubbed it as he turned to face Sango. "I cannot believe you Miroku!" Sango exploded. "You invite Kagome to consummate our marriage which I don't even remember. How do I know this isn't some type of scheme to get me to sleep with you Miroku?"

"What's so bad about sleeping with Miroku? Mom, dad, and I used to sleep together all the time," Shippo commented, just entering the room.

"Shippo's right Sango. Why won't you sleep with me?" Miroku grinned sheepishly.

"Because…it's Miroku the lecher. It's icky."

"Why?" Shippo innocently questioned.

"Shippo, I think you're a bit young to be part of this conversation," Kagome said crouching down to his level.

"Yeah. So why don't you get going kid?" Inuyasha said after picking up Shippo by his tail. Shippo struggled and tried to fight back, but his efforts were futile.

"Don't be so rough Inuyasha," Kagome scolded.

"Don't worry Kagome. I won't hurt him…much." Inuyasha took Shippo outside and threw him a fair distance away. "Well, he should stay out there for a while," Inuyasha chuckled.

"Can we please get back to what's important? How did this happen?"

"Well Sango, do you remember anything from last night?" Kagome asked.

"Not a thing."

"Miroku?" Kagome asked, turning to him.

"No, but I wish I did," he said smirking.

"Well, should we tell them what happened?" Inuyasha turned to Kagome as if he was a child asking permission.

"Yeah. I suppose they deserve to know. Okay you two. Here's what happened," and Kagome began the story of the inebriated mistake.

* * *

The gang had settled down in the midst of the forest for a late lunch when a small but unusual sound unnerved Inuyasha.

"Inuyasha what is it?" Kagome asked him on account of his ears noticeably twitching and the fact hat he actually turned away from his meal (which he had been eating very noisily).

"Something's coming. Kagome, can you sense any jewel shards?" His voice had now taken on a more serious tone.

"No. Whatever's coming this way isn't being powered by the jewel," she said, her brow furrowed in concentration as she attempted to discern whether or not whatever was coming had even the tiniest shard of the jewel embedded deep within.

"Well, then it doesn't concern us," Inuyasha said and then returned to his meal.

"Maybe not, but I think it's worth it to at least check it out," Sango replied changing into her battle armour (from behind a few trees). "Something seems a bit…different."

The gang agreed and rose to leave but Inuyasha and Shippo stood for a moment staring longingly at their unfinished meal before advancing toward the nearby clearing so they could fight the demon a bit easier.

The group stoodin the clearing,staring at the head bobbing slowly atop the trees. A flame engulfed Kirara and her fangs glistened in the late afternoon sun while Sango held her hiraikotsu ready and stared off into the trees. Miroku braced his staff with a slight jingle, Shippo gripped his feet into the ground to better balance himself, Kagome readied an arrow into her bow and Inuyasha unsheathed the gleaming tetsusaiga from its protective shell. The demon cleared the last of the trees and turned its attention to the silver haired half-demon. It was a hyena demon with glowing red eyes and dark hair that appeared to have gone un-groomed for decades. With no hesitation, it swept its claw to destroy the group in one motion but to no avail. Inuyasha grabbed Kagome and jumped out harm's way while Miroku, Sango, and Shippo grabbed hold of Kirara and joined Inuyasha and Kagome. A rustle in the bushes caught their attention and Sesshomeru emerged from the forest with Jaken gasping a bit for air, at his master's heels.

"Sesshomeru!" the entire group (except Kirara obviously) exclaimed in perfect unison.

"It's good to see you to Inuyasha," he said with serious sarcasm.

"Let me guess. You're here to kill me again right?" Inuyasha stated like it was part of ordinary conversation.

"Yes. And I won't fail this time with the help of my friend here." Sesshomeru inclined his head towards the new demonic beastie.

The demon attacked again and as Inuyasha leaped out of the way he yelled, "Afraid to do your own dirty work Sesshomeru?"

Sesshomeru ignored the comment. The gang offered their help but Inuyasha insisted that this was his fight. The fight didn't continue much longer than usual until Inuyasha took off the demon's head. The anger rose in Sesshomeru's eyes and he pulled out his sword.

"Lord Sesshy, be careful," Rin called, just entering the clearing.

"Sesshy? You've got to be kidding me." Inuyasha was doubled over on the ground from laughing so hard. "You actually let her call you Sesshy?" Inuyasha was now gasping for air. "That makes you sound like some big fluffy idiot." He hammered the ground with his fists. "I can't believe she calls you Sesshy."

By now the others had begun laughing as well though it was difficult to tell if their laughter was concerning the emasculation of Sesshomeru because of his new nickname or if it was concerning Inuyasha's continued hysterical laughter.

Sesshomeru's face turned a deep red. "MY NAME IS HARD FOR A LITTLE GIRL TO SAY! Rin, didn't I tell you to stay at camp?" he said, now both infuriated and thoroughly embarrassed.

"What? Too many syllables?" Inuyasha asked, finally getting a hold of himself.

"I would but I was worried about you and Master Jaken," Rin explained innocently.

"Rin, go back to camp," Sesshomeru ordered, the colour finally beginning to recede from his face.

"Yes, Lord Sesshomeru is right. This is no place for a little girl. You'll just get in the way." Jaken added, nodding his head repeatedly.

"Alright Lord Sesshy," she sadly agreed and a new wave of laughter hit the group.

Once Rin was out of sight, Sesshomeru charged at Inuyasha. Inuyasha noticed him just in time to avoid a deadly gash into his chest but not quickly enough to avoid a deep slash in his left arm.

The fight continued though Inuyasha was not fairing too well because his wound wouldn't allow him to hold onto his sword properly and the group could only look on helplessly. Naraku's poisonous insects were nearby, Sango and Kagome couldn't get clear shots, and, let's face it, Shippo couldn't do much of anything. It looked as though Inuyasha would be on the verge of losing until a young girl's scream echoed from the canyon.

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_Well, that's the first chappie. I thought I would leave it at a bit of a cliff hanger. Aren't I evil? Mwa ha ha. Don't worry though, I'll update soon. One more chapter and it's got lots of stupidhumor. Let's just say that Inuyasha is basically a baby-sitter. Keep an eye out for it but d__on't forget to review before leaving this window. Reviews equalhappy._


	2. Chapter 2

_Well, here's the second chappie. I thank you all for your patience and don't worry, there is much more stupid humor in this chapter than in the last chapter. By the way, just in case you're confused, wherever there's a line, it's a time change._

_I do not own Inuyasha and if I did, I wouldn't have a minimum wage part-time job.

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Chapter 2  
  
"Rin?" Sesshomeru thought.

Sesshomeru pushed the scream into the far reaches of his mind. He couldn't just walk away. Not when he was so close to beating his half breed brother and especially when he wasn't even sure it was Rin. A second scream and a third unnerved Sesshomeru more and when he heard a cry for help which was unmistakably Rin's, he jumped backwards, away from Inuyasha and sheathed his sword.

"What's wrong Sesshomeru? Not sure of your strength?" Inuyasha teased.

Sesshomeru gave no reason for wanting to end the fight and only said, "We'll finish this some other time Inuyasha," and he turned to leave.

Inuyasha took this last chance to humiliate Sesshomeru; he put on a mock-baby voice and said, "Wut's wong Sesshy? Not afwaid of your wittle bwodder are you?" He started laughing uncontrollably again and the others joined in the giggle fest. Because he was unable to control himself and just keep his mouth shut, the next thing Inuyasha knew was Sesshomeru's fist making firm contact with his face.

Sesshomeru turned around swiftly and said, "Perhaps that will teach you a lesson half-breed," and then he leapt off after the source of the scream.

"Lord Sesshomeru, don't leave me!" Jaken shouted, tripping over himself in an attempt to catch up to his master.

"Well, I guess that settles that," Inuyasha said happily placing the tetsusaiga back at his side and mopping up his now bloody nose. He turned to face the others, "I'm gonna have a black eye tomorrow aren't I?"

"Well, we'll see," Kagome told him, "now why don't we go back to camp and see if I can fix you up a bit."

Inuyasha thanked Kagome then said, more to himself than anyone else, "Aw, I'm gonna have to wash this again."

Sango, who was standing closest to him, overheard his mutterings and asked him quietly, "How many times have you had to wash blood out of your kimono anyways?"

"More than I can count," he replied as he rolled his eyes skyward.

"Well, at least it's red so it doesn't matter too much if it stains," she said, pointing out the bright side to the frivolous problem.

"Would you believe that it wasn't always this colour? It used to be almost pink," he told her quietly so the others wouldn't hear.

Just as the group began to leave the clearing, a group of villagers cut them off and started to praise Inuyasha.

"You saved our village. We must throw a feast in your honour."

"He saved your village?" Sango asked.

"Indeed. That demon was headed straight for our village, but you stopped it. We must throw you a feast and insist that you stay as long as you like. And your comrades will also be guests of honour."

"A feast?" Inuyasha asked. "No. We should…"

"Don't be silly Inuyasha," Miroku interrupted covering his comrade's mouth. "Of course we'll stay. We could use some good food and a good night's rest, right girls?"

"Actually, that's not a bad idea," Sango said.

"Yeah, I haven't had a good night's sleep in a long time," Kagome persisted as she stretched her arms.

"Fine, we'll stay," Inuyasha pouted like a candy-less child.

After a couple of hours and a bit of indigestion, the gang settled for a remaining evening of quiet and relaxation but just as it began to arise, the villagers came out with one more celebration.

* * *

"I wish I could tell you guys more but I just remember little tidbits. But I _do_ remember you two getting married," Kagome said. 

"How come you don't remember?" Sango asked.

"I'm-not-sure," Kagome said slowly.

"That's because you had a bit too much saki but not as much as Sango and Miroku since I had to cut you off," Inuyasha explained.

"If you remember what happened then you should share it with us," Sango demanded.

Inuyasha heaved a heavy sigh and said, "Fine," in a disgruntled sort of way.

* * *

The villagers began to roll out barrels and offer cups of saki to everyone. Shippo took one sip and spat it out and the strong smell annoyed Inuyasha's nose but that didn't stop Kagome, Sango, and Miroku from drinking some. After a bit of time, they seemed to stumble and trip over nothing and Miroku seemed more flirtatious than usual. 

"Hey pretty lady," Miroku said slurring, walking over to Inuyasha. "Would you like to bear my children?"

"Um…Miroku, do you know who you're talking to?" Inuyasha said, trying to back away.

"One hhhhhhot lady who should have my children." Miroku was now advancing towards Inuyasha.

"Miroku, it's me," Inuyasha explained but Miroku stared blankly at him.

"I'M I-NU-YA-SHA," he said loudly and slowly as if talking to a child.

"Oh? OH!" Miroku gasped finally seeing that Inuyasha was indeed a male who was unable to carry any children. "You know, it can get kind of confusing. Your hair _is_ really long."

"So I look like a girl huh?" Inuyasha help up his fists as though he was about to punch Miroku.

"Yeah," said Kagome tilting her head to side as if to see him from a different angle.

Inuyasha gasped, turned, and asked Kagome, "Where did you…?"

"I just appeared. I have magical powers. Wooooooooo," she said in a pathetic spooky voice waving her fingertips.

"Well, you _do_ have magical powers but I don't look like a girl."

"Yes you do," Kagome said. "but we should do something about that. I know, lemme cut your hair!" she screamed and squealed, hurting Inuyasha's ears. She turned her middle and index fingers into a very poor pair of scissors chasing Inuyasha around the room. Inuyasha quickly realized how stupid it was to run away, caught her quite easily (since she kept stumbling) and placed her in a corner in the next room like a child at time-out.

"Stay there," he demanded.

"But I don't want to," she pouted. "Bad dog. S-s-what was that word again? Sh- wait, what's this rated again? Wait! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! No, that's not it. You're a bad dog. I shouldn't have to sit here." And with that, Inuyasha was pulled to the ground. "Oh yeah, that was it. SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT!"

With each "sit" Inuyasha made a larger crater in the floor until he screamed, "Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!"

"Hee hee. Puppy went boom," she giggled to herself.

"Yeah, whatever. Just don't say that word again," Inuyasha told her struggling to get back on his feet.

"What, sit?" she asked innocently.

Inuyasha, once again, slammed into the ground. With a scowl on his face and low growl, he went back into the main room where Miroku who seemed to be hitting a large pillow and Sango was talking to a villager about her weapon of choice.

"It's a hiraik-'hic', hira-'hic', hir-'hic', h-'hic'," and she paused for a moment, disgruntled, to try to figure out the best way to explain her weapon without hiccoughing. "It's a reeeeeeeally big boomerang."

"Girl Inuyasha," Miroku called.

"I'm a guy!"

"This lady doesn't seem to be breathing," he said continuing his pathetic attempt at what seemed to be CPR on the pillow.

"Miroku, that's a cushion," Inuyasha informed him with an exasperated sigh.

"Really?" he asked scratching his head. "I was wondering why she felt so squishy." Suddenly, getting an idea, he stuffed the pillow down his robes to about the level of his stomach. "Hey, hey Sango," he called getting her attention. "Look, I'm Buddha."

Sango burst out laughing, spitting out her saki but Inuyasha just looked annoyed.

"Miroku, don't be stupid. You're nowhere near holy enough to be Buddha.," said Inuyasha.

"You're right. I'm not Buddha. I'm pregnant with your child Inuyasha." Miroku spread his arms wide and tried to embrace Inuyasha.

"YOU CAN'T HAVE BABIES YOU IDIOT!" Inuyasha yelled.

"Maybe I'm pregnant with Sango's baby," he contemplated, gesturing toward Sango who had just fallen over from trying to get a few last drops from the bottom of her glass.

"Wouldn't we have to get married first?" Sango asked from the floor.

"Yeah," he said disappointedly but then he had an idea. "Let's go get married Sango."

They clumsily slipped their arms through each other's and marched out humming a wedding tune. Inuyasha dismissed their childish behaviour just as Kagome came running out with her shirt in her hand trailing around behind her.

* * *

"I ran around topless?" Kagome asked beyond belief. 

"I missed it?" Miroku asked receiving a slap upside the head from Sango.

"Did you look at me?" Kagome demanded from Inuyasha.

"Of course not! Why would I!" Inuyasha began to blush slightly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked him, almost angry that he didn't look.

"Nothing!" he said a little too quickly.

"So I'm nothing to you? Is that it?" Kagome was now yelling at him.

"Stop it!" Miroku yelled. "Can't you two _ever_ put aside your petty squabbles?"

Inuyasha and Kagome sat back down defeated with their backs facing each other.

"Did many people see me?" Kagome asked after a minute of silence in a way to say "I'm sorry."

"More would have if I didn't stop you," he replied.

* * *

Covering his eyes, Inuyasha caught Kagome and demanded that she put her shirt back on. Just as he put her back in the other room, telling her to stay put, Shippo came in. 

"Hey, I've been looking for you guys. Do you know what's wrong with Sango and Miroku?" Shippo seemed a bit worried that not only those two, but all the adults seemed to be acting strangely.

Before Inuyasha could answer, Kagome eyed Shippo's tail and jumped to her feet. "You have a puffy tail," she screamed happily like a child on Christmas morning. She giggled hysterically chasing him around the room screaming, "Here puff, here puff."

"THAT'S IT!" Inuyasha exclaimed. "I'm cutting you off!"

"No you can't. You're not the bartender."

"I can and I will. Now, give me your cup." Inuyasha held out his hand.

Kagome blew a raspberry at him and stuffed the cup down her shirt. "Try and get it now."

Inuyasha blushed profusely, pointed to the other side of the room and said, "I'm going over there now."

He then found Shippo outside, hiding behind a Kirara. Inuyasha calmly explained to Shippo that Sango and Miroku weren't quite themselves and that they were susceptible to odd suggestions (only he used smaller words) which caused Shippo to run away although Inuyasha wasn't quite sure why. He quickly dismissed it, like everyone's behaviour that night, and returned to Kagome, who sat pouting in a corner with her face turned to the ceiling and her eyes were tightly shut. Her cup had fallen out of her shirt and luckily, she didn't seem to have noticed. He took his chance and dashed across the room, grabbing Kagome's cup. Kagome realized what he was up to and went to grab her cup before he could but all that happened was she flailed her arms and fell down face first.

"You suck, you know that?" Kagome said in a pouty voice.

Inuyasha ignored her comment and marched out of the room with her cup. When he returned, it was full of a different liquid. Kagome, thinking he had taken back his vow to cut her off, she readily accepted the cup. However, when she took a sip, it tasted nothing like saki. "BLEH! What is this? This is not a happy drink."

"Yes it is Kagome," he said in a mock cheerful tone of voice.

Kagome eyed him in a suspicious manner but took another sip after a minute of analyzing him. Inuyasha wasn't sure if she was growing used to the drink or if he was just very persuasive but she drank the entire glass. Once she finished, she shook her head and took a long look at Inuyasha. "Inuyasha?" she asked a bit groggily, not quite sure if it was him.

"Yes?"

"What just happened?" she asked.

"Um…nothing," he said a little too innocently.

Before Kagome could question Inuyasha's honesty, Shippo came bursting in, quite out of breath. "You guys won't believe this but Sango and Miroku just got married."

"WHAT!" they both asked with their mouths hanging wide open.

"Yeah. I just saw it. They're coming back now." Shippo gestured wildly towards the door.

The three stuck their heads out the door and observed the pair stumbling into Miroku's room.

"I don't believe it," Kagome squealed. "It's about time."

* * *

"Do you really expect us to believe that?" Sango asked. 

"I can believe it. They wouldn't lie Sango. I think we should accept their story without question and act like husband and wife," Miroku persuaded but everyone could tell he didn't care if the story was true or not.

"WE'RE NOT MARRIED! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT!" Sango shouted as if the louder she screamed it, the more true it would be.

They continued to argue against Inuyasha and Kagome's story until, almost in exact unison, they gasped and pointed their fingers at the other.

"Told you it happened," Kagome said smugly to no one in particular.

"I remember. We were stumbling along in the forest and came across that priest," Miroku started.

"Yeah. He had those dark robes and…" Sango turned to Shippo and a look of anger formed on her face. "a short puffy tail."

Shippo laughed nervously and started to make a run for it but was caught by Sango. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't resist," he pleaded. He continued to plead but he received a hard blow on the head from Sango and Miroku. Shippo then sat in a corner and cried while Kagome brought up an interesting point.

"So, if you guys thought you were married, what did you do last night?"

Miroku and Sango turned toward each other, their eyebrows raised and all they could do was wonder.

THE END

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_Well, I figured there was no way they would be able to remember after being that drunk so I decided to leave it like this. Hope you enjoyed it. Don't forget about that little purple button at the bottom left hand corner. It's been teased because it hasn't been pressed much in this story. All the other fics are gaining up on it. Do you want the button to be teased? Do it for the button. Don't allow the bullying of the buttonto continue._


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